Mai’s Buggeration Blog

Space Time Continuum
By: S. Mai Esme. B. G.

“Get out the bleeding toilet Tony!”
“Yeah, in a moment.” The deep baritone voice from within the bathroom.
“For Christ’s sake Tony, what’re you doing?” Silence. “Oh you sick perverted turd!”
Towel wrapped around her body, slippers causing friction against the house rugs, Pamela Danger-field made her way toward the banister. “Mum! I’m going to be late, tell Tony to get out of the bloody toilet and finish his pedophile business in his room.” More silence. “Garrgh!” Cue hands into air. Pamela slammed the door of her room. Creamy walls fashioned neurotically organized furniture; 2 wardrobes, one revolving mirror, one three mattress layered bed, a beauty station, one awkwardly situated chair, and a love-couch -flower patterned. She stood in front the mirror, and let her towel drop to the carpet, and watched her stark-naked reflection and the dripping dirty blonde locks laying delicately on her freckled pale shoulder. The door-knob clicked.
“ All done.”
“Tony!”
“ What?’
“ Get the hell out! I’m naked!”
“Oh, right, sorry.” Tony’s head was still fixed between the doorway. Pamela hastily picked up her serviette. “Not like I haven’t seen a girl’s naked body before, just relax.” he replied with a factory timbre.
“Tony!” Aggravated, Pamela stormed over to the door and banged it into Tony’s face, leaned against it, sighed and brushed a hand through her damp hair. “First day of term has to be perfect.”

* * * * * * * * *

A little jingle vibrated in Corey’s pocket. She reached into it and flipped open her cell phone, covered in Hello Kitty, Sims, and Persona 4 stickers. The digital time glowed and beneath it a blinking red light flashed vigourously signaling ‘Nick’ ‘Nick’ ‘Nick’. Her blue hair fell over her black framed glasses, and her soft and tiny index finger pressed a button. The cell phone beeped, and she pressed another button, snapped the device shut and put it back into her pocket. Short of stature but naturally, and fresh looking with an Asian flush, photogenic Corey Chissick blinded her parents at the breakfast table with her neon pink trousers and sparkling Tokyo- pop lego bracelets. ‘Bloody effing hell. Alright Core, it’s alright, we’re back to work , just one more yeah. Your last year.’
She stared blankly at her plate of eggs and bacon shaped into a smiley face, courtesy of her mum. “ You alright darling? Eat, go on, made it ‘specially for you. Go on.” Mrs. Chissick, the kindest mother on earth, smiled at her darling daughter encouragingly, and Core picked up her cutlery, and dug in, for her mum.

* * * * * * * *

‘B-beep; B-beep, B-beep, B-beep, B-beep, B-beep B–’ ‘WHACK!’. Cue fist on alarm clock. Sitting at a work table in their room, looking disheveled, and slightly pissed, a half empty pack of beers stained the wood of the table. Not yet clothed, but rather in pajama top and underwear, sitting on an Ikea stool, uncomfortable and feeling clueless, sprawled across the table, a girl in an almost state of trance, gawked out the window, watching the sun rise over the mountains. She then checked her calendar hanging from the window ledge, squinted, then received a message on her cheap excuse for a phone. Upon hearing a giddy, familiar voice, motionless, she tried to block out the sound.
“Ahhhh bullocks!” she shouted over Piazolla’s ‘Street Tango’ in response to the message. An angry woman’s voice boomed from downstairs.
“What did you say Salomé?”
“Erm, nothing!”
“Everything alright?”
“Piss off mum!”
“Salomé, don’t take tones with me.”
“Whatever ‘right!”

* * * * * * * *

A large pick-up truck drove by Corey’s house and into the gates of the International School of Port of Spain. It was quite dark outside and the unlit classrooms gave Frederick the reassurance that he had reached his prison: school. The eldest of three Mahabirs pushed his drooling sister Nathalia off his shoulder and caused her to wake up with a what sounded painful bump on the head. Frederick’s glasses began to fog up with the air-conditioning in the car, and before he knew it, he was wiping the condensation from the lens outside next to the bleachers. Fred, as usual retreated upstairs, and realized, he had no clue as to which home-room he was in this year, and decided to wait in the cafeteria. The heavy bag he carried thumped gravely onto the floor and he dusted off a salmon coloured chair. The cafeteria was empty, and looked decent for once. ‘Silence, can’t wait for the others to get here.’
“Oi! Fre-dick you poor queer lad! How’s everything? Good summer break yeah?” Daniel Jackson flung the doors wide open followed by Sebastian Lucas, Emma Low, Rafael something, and Carlos… something hispanic. Probably the worst combination, except for perhaps Emma… and, maybe Rafael. Fred took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly to regain his calm. “Hello Fred boy. Guess what?” Daniel, trying to be cool flipping a chair before him, sat in it and his sheep did same.
“What?” Frederick tried to reply collectively. Daniel prepared himself and put his hands behind his head.
“ I,” he paused for effect, “lost my virginity eight times this summer. Brilliant i’nt it?”
“Well done Daniel.” Fred sighed, exasperated.
“ Yeah, she had huge tits, like, with strawberry nipples and a succulent bum. Oh god yes, the
glory of manhood!” Emma rolled her eyes, and Sebastian gave Fred the: ‘that was an exaggeration’ look.
“Daniel, I hardly call that the ‘glory’ of man-hood.” Daniel leaned forward upon hearing this.
“ Well of course not, you’re gay, so, you wouldn’t find that the passage to man-hood, for you it’d be like, graduating to size 0 slips from Lacoste yeah?”
“ Piss off Dan.”
“ Ha ha!, just joking with you Freddy, chillax, oh! and here come the masses.”
Suddenly, the entire high school burst through the entrances into the cafeteria.
“Looks like we’ve got some newbies this year eh?” Sebastian spoke loudly over the shouts of adolescents and desperate tenth graders. A gust of artificial wind blew the swinging doors open, and three bodices walked through with wavy long hair, a blonde, a brunette and another blonde. Spruced up with short skirts and somewhat an air of slut in the atmosphere, they waited until they had everyone’s attention to proceed walking with all eyes upon them.
“Well, drug me up and call my dad a horse effer.” Daniel then continued to mutter something profuse, and brushed his more or less pudgy hand through his curly, brown hair. The slutty-cat girls disappeared around the grade twelve table, and a few others subtly arrived.
Pamela and Corey searched for a familiar face in the cafeteria, and spotted their class label ’13’. “Hey look! It’s Freddy! Come one Pamela.” Corey grabbed Pamela’s hand and rushed her away from the giddy freshmen. “Freddy!” Corey wrapped her arms around her friend and wriggled, Pamela latched on too. Freddy stood and hugged them properly. The surrounding group of boys shaped faces of disbelief.
“So unfair.” Daniel said lowly but so that his classmates at the first table of class thirteen could hear, Carlos and Rafael nodded in concurrence to Daniel’s observation, Sebastian stared jealously at Frederick being wrapped in feminine body apparatus, and Emma simply ignored it all and waited her turn to receive welcome back hugs.
“Alright everyone! Settle down please! Settle down now. Everyone?” Mr. Horse-fall’s first failure for the new school year. “Please! Calm yourselves!”
“Shuutttt Uppppp!” A wave of absolute stillness abruptly crashed upon the high school student body. As silent as the pet cemetery. Mr. Larson paced off for Mr. Horse-fall could once again attempt to capture the attention of manic students.
“Now then, we commence the new school year once again, I hope you all had a wonderful summer break, and it better have been a good one, if not, you, are all, in deep you know what,” he enunciated these words of warning as shortly, loudly and clearly as possible, “because to all of those hopefully rare individuals, you won’t be having much fun this year.” He clapped his hands together and took a step forward, scanned the room in search of something specific, changed his mind, and continued. “ We will, be seriously enforcing the school rules this year, Mr. Larson will read the list of instructions for a reminder and further notice.” Mr. Larson, the red faced, rather buoy shaped, fat and stumpy school director marched up to the plate.
“Now then, ‘All students shall abide to the following regulations, and if are so inclined to choose to do otherwise, will receive strict punishment and a call to parent/guardian’. So; all permission slips must be handed in to the appropriate teacher within two day of receiving notice, no chewing gum whatsoever, no Tylenol…”
“Yeah cause we all know what happened last year eh?” whispered Daniel, the others giggled and reddened unnoticed.
“… no medicines from home, no cell phones in school EVER, no iPods or other listening devices, no prophylactics, no copy transfer paper, all students will pay to use the photocopier,” the cafeteria gasped in disgust, “ homework that is handed in late will result in immediate student detention for ALL classes,…..” the red man droned on and on. The freshmen tables listened attentively, the tenth graders criticized the freshmen, only one table full of eleventh graders shot haughty looks at their enemies, twelfth grade tried to be the more responsible bunch and came off as arrogant bastards, meanwhile, the thirteenth grade zoned off, some listened, and others prepped for their new and even more intense classes.
Frederick huddled with Pamela, Corey, Emma and Seb, “ Hey, I just noticed, where’s Mai?”
“Probably being a mess as usual. Last I heard from her she was storming through the Toronto subways in a T-shirt and boxers trying to get to a gig.” Daniel stated overhearing the question, the others glared at him.
Mr. Larson boomed, “ And finally, any student absent or late without notice, will receive after- school punishment, or extra homework given by the principle Mr. Horse-fall. So, does every-” BANG! The doors swung open and hit the walls of the cafeteria and a straggly, unclean looking teenager stepped in looking slightly surprised, worried and as if they could smell something repulsive.
“Erm, sorry. That, I’m late I mean.. Sorry.. ‘bout that. Erm.. I’ll just… erm..” Mai’s words trailed off as she quickly adjusted her beanie and hastily made her way toward her classmate’s section. She sat down clumsily and waited for everyone to stop staring at her. She grew impatient. “Well I’m sodding back everyone! Ha ha, erm..” Mai caught an arrogant persistent annoying freshmen, “well what the eff are you staring at you little fu–”
“NOW NOW! It’s nice to have you back Salomé, but had you been here on time, you would have learnt that we are now very strict on time management and use of language in public, and in front of teachers. So, you, me, my office after this.” Mr. Horse-fall interrupted. “All right, this year we have four new teachers…”
“See, told you so.” Daniel whispered to Pamela and Corey. The two girls moved their chairs closer to their pinking friend. The rest of the table bent over for a listen while the principal dithered on.
“ So, what happened? You look, ill.” Pamela inquired.
“ Don’t be fucking ridiculous, she looks completely hammered, or at the least, slightly drug-mongered.” Daniel intruded again.
“Am not, just a bit, tired, that’s all.”
“ Oh come on give her a break.” Corey insisted, trying to give Salomé some time to regain composure.
“ A break? She looks like death, I’m worried.” said Pamela
“ Yeah, we missed you Mai, what’ve you been up to?” Seb inquired.