Mai’s Buggeration Blog

Space-Time Continuum
June 29, 2009, 6:26 am
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Space Time Continuum
By: S. Mai Esme. B. G.

“Get out the bleeding toilet Tony!”
“Yeah, in a moment.” The deep baritone voice from within the bathroom.
“For Christ’s sake Tony, what’re you doing?” Silence. “Oh you sick perverted turd!”
Towel wrapped around her body, slippers causing friction against the house rugs, Pamela Danger-field made her way toward the banister. “Mum! I’m going to be late, tell Tony to get out of the bloody toilet and finish his pedophile business in his room.” More silence. “Garrgh!” Cue hands into air. Pamela slammed the door of her room. Creamy walls fashioned neurotically organized furniture; 2 wardrobes, one revolving mirror, one three mattress layered bed, a beauty station, one awkwardly situated chair, and a love-couch -flower patterned. She stood in front the mirror, and let her towel drop to the carpet, and watched her stark-naked reflection and the dripping dirty blonde locks laying delicately on her freckled pale shoulder. The door-knob clicked.
“ All done.”
“ What?’
“ Get the hell out! I’m naked!”
“Oh, right, sorry.” Tony’s head was still fixed between the doorway. Pamela hastily picked up her serviette. “Not like I haven’t seen a girl’s naked body before, just relax.” he replied with a factory timbre.
“Tony!” Aggravated, Pamela stormed over to the door and banged it into Tony’s face, leaned against it, sighed and brushed a hand through her damp hair. “First day of term has to be perfect.”

* * * * * * * * *

A little jingle vibrated in Corey’s pocket. She reached into it and flipped open her cell phone, covered in Hello Kitty, Sims, and Persona 4 stickers. The digital time glowed and beneath it a blinking red light flashed vigourously signaling ‘Nick’ ‘Nick’ ‘Nick’. Her blue hair fell over her black framed glasses, and her soft and tiny index finger pressed a button. The cell phone beeped, and she pressed another button, snapped the device shut and put it back into her pocket. Short of stature but naturally, and fresh looking with an Asian flush, photogenic Corey Chissick blinded her parents at the breakfast table with her neon pink trousers and sparkling Tokyo- pop lego bracelets. ‘Bloody effing hell. Alright Core, it’s alright, we’re back to work , just one more yeah. Your last year.’
She stared blankly at her plate of eggs and bacon shaped into a smiley face, courtesy of her mum. “ You alright darling? Eat, go on, made it ‘specially for you. Go on.” Mrs. Chissick, the kindest mother on earth, smiled at her darling daughter encouragingly, and Core picked up her cutlery, and dug in, for her mum.

* * * * * * * *

‘B-beep; B-beep, B-beep, B-beep, B-beep, B-beep B–’ ‘WHACK!’. Cue fist on alarm clock. Sitting at a work table in their room, looking disheveled, and slightly pissed, a half empty pack of beers stained the wood of the table. Not yet clothed, but rather in pajama top and underwear, sitting on an Ikea stool, uncomfortable and feeling clueless, sprawled across the table, a girl in an almost state of trance, gawked out the window, watching the sun rise over the mountains. She then checked her calendar hanging from the window ledge, squinted, then received a message on her cheap excuse for a phone. Upon hearing a giddy, familiar voice, motionless, she tried to block out the sound.
“Ahhhh bullocks!” she shouted over Piazolla’s ‘Street Tango’ in response to the message. An angry woman’s voice boomed from downstairs.
“What did you say Salomé?”
“Erm, nothing!”
“Everything alright?”
“Piss off mum!”
“Salomé, don’t take tones with me.”
“Whatever ‘right!”

* * * * * * * *

A large pick-up truck drove by Corey’s house and into the gates of the International School of Port of Spain. It was quite dark outside and the unlit classrooms gave Frederick the reassurance that he had reached his prison: school. The eldest of three Mahabirs pushed his drooling sister Nathalia off his shoulder and caused her to wake up with a what sounded painful bump on the head. Frederick’s glasses began to fog up with the air-conditioning in the car, and before he knew it, he was wiping the condensation from the lens outside next to the bleachers. Fred, as usual retreated upstairs, and realized, he had no clue as to which home-room he was in this year, and decided to wait in the cafeteria. The heavy bag he carried thumped gravely onto the floor and he dusted off a salmon coloured chair. The cafeteria was empty, and looked decent for once. ‘Silence, can’t wait for the others to get here.’
“Oi! Fre-dick you poor queer lad! How’s everything? Good summer break yeah?” Daniel Jackson flung the doors wide open followed by Sebastian Lucas, Emma Low, Rafael something, and Carlos… something hispanic. Probably the worst combination, except for perhaps Emma… and, maybe Rafael. Fred took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly to regain his calm. “Hello Fred boy. Guess what?” Daniel, trying to be cool flipping a chair before him, sat in it and his sheep did same.
“What?” Frederick tried to reply collectively. Daniel prepared himself and put his hands behind his head.
“ I,” he paused for effect, “lost my virginity eight times this summer. Brilliant i’nt it?”
“Well done Daniel.” Fred sighed, exasperated.
“ Yeah, she had huge tits, like, with strawberry nipples and a succulent bum. Oh god yes, the
glory of manhood!” Emma rolled her eyes, and Sebastian gave Fred the: ‘that was an exaggeration’ look.
“Daniel, I hardly call that the ‘glory’ of man-hood.” Daniel leaned forward upon hearing this.
“ Well of course not, you’re gay, so, you wouldn’t find that the passage to man-hood, for you it’d be like, graduating to size 0 slips from Lacoste yeah?”
“ Piss off Dan.”
“ Ha ha!, just joking with you Freddy, chillax, oh! and here come the masses.”
Suddenly, the entire high school burst through the entrances into the cafeteria.
“Looks like we’ve got some newbies this year eh?” Sebastian spoke loudly over the shouts of adolescents and desperate tenth graders. A gust of artificial wind blew the swinging doors open, and three bodices walked through with wavy long hair, a blonde, a brunette and another blonde. Spruced up with short skirts and somewhat an air of slut in the atmosphere, they waited until they had everyone’s attention to proceed walking with all eyes upon them.
“Well, drug me up and call my dad a horse effer.” Daniel then continued to mutter something profuse, and brushed his more or less pudgy hand through his curly, brown hair. The slutty-cat girls disappeared around the grade twelve table, and a few others subtly arrived.
Pamela and Corey searched for a familiar face in the cafeteria, and spotted their class label ’13’. “Hey look! It’s Freddy! Come one Pamela.” Corey grabbed Pamela’s hand and rushed her away from the giddy freshmen. “Freddy!” Corey wrapped her arms around her friend and wriggled, Pamela latched on too. Freddy stood and hugged them properly. The surrounding group of boys shaped faces of disbelief.
“So unfair.” Daniel said lowly but so that his classmates at the first table of class thirteen could hear, Carlos and Rafael nodded in concurrence to Daniel’s observation, Sebastian stared jealously at Frederick being wrapped in feminine body apparatus, and Emma simply ignored it all and waited her turn to receive welcome back hugs.
“Alright everyone! Settle down please! Settle down now. Everyone?” Mr. Horse-fall’s first failure for the new school year. “Please! Calm yourselves!”
“Shuutttt Uppppp!” A wave of absolute stillness abruptly crashed upon the high school student body. As silent as the pet cemetery. Mr. Larson paced off for Mr. Horse-fall could once again attempt to capture the attention of manic students.
“Now then, we commence the new school year once again, I hope you all had a wonderful summer break, and it better have been a good one, if not, you, are all, in deep you know what,” he enunciated these words of warning as shortly, loudly and clearly as possible, “because to all of those hopefully rare individuals, you won’t be having much fun this year.” He clapped his hands together and took a step forward, scanned the room in search of something specific, changed his mind, and continued. “ We will, be seriously enforcing the school rules this year, Mr. Larson will read the list of instructions for a reminder and further notice.” Mr. Larson, the red faced, rather buoy shaped, fat and stumpy school director marched up to the plate.
“Now then, ‘All students shall abide to the following regulations, and if are so inclined to choose to do otherwise, will receive strict punishment and a call to parent/guardian’. So; all permission slips must be handed in to the appropriate teacher within two day of receiving notice, no chewing gum whatsoever, no Tylenol…”
“Yeah cause we all know what happened last year eh?” whispered Daniel, the others giggled and reddened unnoticed.
“… no medicines from home, no cell phones in school EVER, no iPods or other listening devices, no prophylactics, no copy transfer paper, all students will pay to use the photocopier,” the cafeteria gasped in disgust, “ homework that is handed in late will result in immediate student detention for ALL classes,…..” the red man droned on and on. The freshmen tables listened attentively, the tenth graders criticized the freshmen, only one table full of eleventh graders shot haughty looks at their enemies, twelfth grade tried to be the more responsible bunch and came off as arrogant bastards, meanwhile, the thirteenth grade zoned off, some listened, and others prepped for their new and even more intense classes.
Frederick huddled with Pamela, Corey, Emma and Seb, “ Hey, I just noticed, where’s Mai?”
“Probably being a mess as usual. Last I heard from her she was storming through the Toronto subways in a T-shirt and boxers trying to get to a gig.” Daniel stated overhearing the question, the others glared at him.
Mr. Larson boomed, “ And finally, any student absent or late without notice, will receive after- school punishment, or extra homework given by the principle Mr. Horse-fall. So, does every-” BANG! The doors swung open and hit the walls of the cafeteria and a straggly, unclean looking teenager stepped in looking slightly surprised, worried and as if they could smell something repulsive.
“Erm, sorry. That, I’m late I mean.. Sorry.. ‘bout that. Erm.. I’ll just… erm..” Mai’s words trailed off as she quickly adjusted her beanie and hastily made her way toward her classmate’s section. She sat down clumsily and waited for everyone to stop staring at her. She grew impatient. “Well I’m sodding back everyone! Ha ha, erm..” Mai caught an arrogant persistent annoying freshmen, “well what the eff are you staring at you little fu–”
“NOW NOW! It’s nice to have you back Salomé, but had you been here on time, you would have learnt that we are now very strict on time management and use of language in public, and in front of teachers. So, you, me, my office after this.” Mr. Horse-fall interrupted. “All right, this year we have four new teachers…”
“See, told you so.” Daniel whispered to Pamela and Corey. The two girls moved their chairs closer to their pinking friend. The rest of the table bent over for a listen while the principal dithered on.
“ So, what happened? You look, ill.” Pamela inquired.
“ Don’t be fucking ridiculous, she looks completely hammered, or at the least, slightly drug-mongered.” Daniel intruded again.
“Am not, just a bit, tired, that’s all.”
“ Oh come on give her a break.” Corey insisted, trying to give Salomé some time to regain composure.
“ A break? She looks like death, I’m worried.” said Pamela
“ Yeah, we missed you Mai, what’ve you been up to?” Seb inquired.


Skins me?
March 21, 2009, 1:07 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
Which Skins Character Are You?

Your Result: You are… Sid

Down-in-the-dumps but basically good at heart, you’re too easily led by your friends. When you’re really yourself, people love you all the more for it.

You are… Michelle
You are… Chris
You are… Jal
You are… Tony
You are… Cassie
Which Skins Character Are You?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

100 things i was forced to write about myself
February 14, 2009, 7:29 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
  1. I’m listening to an Icelandic band at the moment
  2. i think she who was previously named here is a slut
  3. i respect prostitution
  4. my aunt has down syndrome
  5. hypocrite, aren’t we all?
  6. I’ve affectionate feelings for the same gent after 3years and a half
  7. i think i should start taking my own advice
  8. i secretly want to be a girly girl sometimes
  9. my parents drink a lot
  10. two of my close friends committed suicide one of which sent me a goodbye letter
  11. i suck at playing guitar and i can’t sing
  12. i’m partial insomniac
  13. i feel more comfortable speaking with a British accent
  14. you’re still my friend even if i say you aren’t
  15. Mr. Caster reminds me of The Clash
  16. i swear profusely
  17. i was watching the Grammy’s on the tele when Marc, Travis, and Tom announced the Blink-182 reunion
  18. i was granted permission to skip class in order to watch perhaps the most important president’s inauguration i’ll ever know in my life
  19. this isn’t fun, at least having to repeat “i” in almost every sentence
  20. i am of the opinion that writing without a purpose is the greatest purpose of writing
  21. i just thought “shite im only at effin’ twenty one? buggeration!”
  22. my comments always come out at the wrong time
  24. i watched the full season 2 of Skins in one night
  25. i cry to almost all disney movies
  26. i hate crying yet i do so twice a day on average
  27. 8th graders make me nauseous
  28. make up makes you look older in a sick way (eye liner only)
  29. i hate not knowing what’s going on
  30. i need to input in most conversations
  31. Jamie told me that a friend told her that you experience 1/8th an orgasm every time you sneeze
  32. we’re all full of ourselves, if you have low self-esteem you win more time to think/feel sorry for yourself
  33. i DO NOT want to ace the lottery
  34. ‘m’not particularly fond of new york
  35. as you’ve noticed, if the document isn’t for english class, i write as if i were talking
  36. i’m not allowed to have a boyfriend until i’m 16-17, haven’t any opportunities anyway
  37. passport control stopped me for physical screening believing i was a lad and not the 5 year old girl in my passport picture
  38. from previous chats and so on, i learned from various people that i need to stop using anger to cover up my true feelings
  39. i’m not perverted, i’m open-minded
  40. i’ve shared 3 bottled of Baileys at christmas with my 37 year old snowboarding partner discussing anarchy, suicide, and love.
  41. i think i like him passionately for his humour and understanding
  42. tons say i’m polite
  43. i’m rude with my friends
  44. i believe in cheating the system
  45. if i were thin, you’d realize i’m knock kneed
  46. i like medical reproductive organ charts for their detail
  48. i don’t have enough AP choices
  49. comparing yourself to others is terrible and i do this constantly
  50. “i waant it” “i waaant it” “You can’t have it!” – the who, magic bus
  51. curly fries over normal ones
  52. i named a star, wrote more than 11 songs about you, drew the same scene 4 times and think i should paint it entirely Yellow
  53. Why did they forget bout Samson after he couldn’t bring the columns down?
  54. maybe i should grow my hair out so that i’m not called “sir” and stared at in disbelief everytime i go out
  55. my ear beenie is never going into the trash
  56. dye my hair= flaming pink= 100 nil
  57. bikinis can go to hell in my view
  58. i have friends in holy spaces
  60. yes, i do realize my name is long, but you’re a retard if you’re spanish and can’t say Esmerallda
  61. sometimes i think i was born with certain brain defficiencies
  62. i’m 3 months away from conservatory level piano
  63. i love them, but i hate it when my friends become successful, it makes me feel unworthy to be around them
  64. i’m really immature when i want to
  65. craving arguments to me is like chocolate
  66. i’d really like to direct  a morbid fashion shoot or be in one
  67. sport= no no
  68. i’m only embarassed when it comes to sports
  69. if i cared enough, i’m sure i could do better in math 
  70. fingers should never hurt this much : (
  71. angelina jolie is uggglyy
  72. Love, Actually has me sobbing everytime
  73. if i want a hug, i’ll ask, so piss off other wise
  74. words such as ‘tosser”, “chav”, “silly-billy”, “moron”, “bum”, “arse” suck on my tongue violently, i should cut down
  75. i hate the ‘S’ word for intercourse
  76. i have trouble resisting correcting people when they never ad ‘ly’ to their word BADLY, HORRIBLY, 
  77. ALSO, i HATE it when people say ‘i/you did good‘ THE CORRECT VERSION OF THIS PHRASE IS “i/you did well“!!!!!!!
  78. im the most environmentally friendly member of our class….. ?
  79. indian food makes me sick sometimes
  80. i’m french, egyptian, tunisian, italian, canadian, austrian, and english by family tradition and apptitude for the country etcetc
  81. i’d prefer trinidad if it were’nt full of cars nor repugnant buildings and everyone walked and stopped talking
  82. i snowboard for carnival
  83. i have meatloaf feet
  84. i think this thing is rubbish and do not think it helps you discover who you are seeing as if you are able to write 100 things, then you know enough about yourself
  85. my theories are rad
  86. 13riots will be rich with my itunes purchases
  87. If you’re a Linkin Park freak then there can only be one, and his name is Eddy
  88. robin has issues with doors and squeels in my ear everytime she has a moment
  89. i’d like to write something philosophical like i usually do, but, it’s too much a pain in the bum. 
  90. I think twilght is nonsense
  91. “POLITICALLY CORRECT”??? MY ARSE!!!! that’s completely screwed
  92. i see faces in shower curtains, walls, and clouds
  93. my stuffed toy that i’ve cherished since birth is on my bed next to me
  94. i have 6 more at this point
  95. the word “made-out” is overly used and gross
  96. i’m tired now but know that i won’t sleep (as usual)
  97. i want kyle to not talk for a whole week
  98. i get muscle cramps easily
  99. no, i do not “fling”people for money
  100. i would like to stop getting dreams about disasters and them having one during the day.

tell me tHat you’rE alright aNd please tell me that you’Re alrightY
December 7, 2008, 2:53 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today was a bitchy day for me, as well as an emotional one, and an IN YO FACE MOFO!! day too. After fighting through the a-rub-ix cube of trunks and boxes, we’re finally moving closer to school, and arguing with my mum about snowboarding apparel, i received a call by my dear friend Ed, we were to meet at movietowne with Robin and Jamie, at around four, and then, commenced the odd surges of personality.

It was past four, and our movie had already started by the time we all had arrived, so, we decided to go for sushi, where Edd and I stayed cautious and ate no raw fish whatsoever, as opposed to Jamie and Robin who both took the plunge, and dared to do what not even a Trini would attempt to do, they ate a boat (literally, a small plate shaped like a boat) of sushi. Eventually, we began psychological conversations about our classmate’s transformations before us, the audience, and his metamorphosis into the person you can respect, and the person you can easily despise. Soon after, I was dared to eat half a lump of wasabi, and hastily washed it down with diet coke, nearly choking down the restaurant.  In the end, we practically threw chunks of hundred dollar bills at our waitress, that shit was expensive. 

Walking around movietowne lets you observe the single minded people of the “developing country” in the Caribbean. A few arguments, a few smart arse comments to respond to with witty book sense completed  three fourths of our evening. A nice chillaxing evening around the café was the perfect completion of a failed outing. The four of us sang, laughed like hyaenas at the static noises of the stage amplifiers, and considered the consequences of confessing  my …. affection? to a certain individual.

Now, I’m writing this, Robin has just exited our msn conversation with Jamie and Edd, and Jamie has now responded with a “lol” and an “uh”. I wait upon his signing in, but, i know this is temporary, my real affection for someone has been ongoing for three years, and i still have remained on the mute button for far too long that i think i might die alone : (


sample of story-writing work?
December 6, 2008, 1:24 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

On the highest floor, three boys gathered around a bed in the nurses’ office. 

“ All right?” Microft was waking to three familiar faces.

“ Way to botch up the scene picture, honestly!” 

“ Lay off Tom, no-one wants to hear your sarcastic remarks. You look queer Microft, want us to leave?” Microft was wide awake now and was conscious of the bandage work around his head, which he roughly examined with his fingers.” No, I’ m quite fine thanks, you all can stay…just a bit gutted, that’s all.” He attempted to sit up but decided he wasn’t ready when he felt a surge of heat rush to his head, his dark brown hair fanned out on the pillow.

“ Of course you feel gutted, you’ve been hit in the temple with a cricket bat!” Saayad cleansed the lens’ of his glasses with a handkerchief he pulled out of an inside pocket of his jacket. “ His Indian accent comes out when he’s angry.” Thomas leaned closer to whisper this to Frederick, the third boy sitting on the right, who happened to be Finley’s brighter side of life, his brother, the opposite. The nurse’s office was cold yet welcoming. Pastel colours contributed to giving a calm, relaxing vibe. There were several windows surrounding them in a circular chamber packed with trolleys holding medical appliances, dozens of file containers and four beds. The boys were at the farthest one away from the curtain entrance. The sheets were a descent royal blue that added some excitement to the opposing pastel shades. 

“ How long have I been knocked unconscious?”Microft inquired as he fluffed his pillows against the wall. 

“ Erm, well,” Thomas began, “ since quarter-past eleven, so, m’ yes , ‘bout, two hours and fifteen minutes.” Microft didn’t change the look on his face. “ But you’re all good and well now, so no need to camp it up eh?” Thomas forced a chuckle. 

Saayad and Frederick smiled then followed acts of fiddling with various parts of their uniforms. Immediately, Microft correctly assumed something was terribly wrong.

A Few More Days
November 27, 2008, 10:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m a new student at I.S.P.S, the International School of Chaguanas, and I’ve  met an amazing group of people that I have grown quite attached to. It seems to be a haunting symptom of my life, that the closer I get to be with individuals, the faster they drift away, until I can see nothing of them.  Two newly important people in my life (there are actually three students leaving), have packed all their belongings into brown cardboard boxes, the kind where you know you’ll always be sad even if you’re moving in. 

Lanora’s going back to Aus, and Henry’s off to England, a very ironic situation, considering the circumstances of my heart’s epic fail to extend farther than the  simple email sent across the Atlantic. I’ll miss them both, more excessively than I should. Talks in Mrs. Chesler’s room at lunch, Lanora and I being overly optimistic in art class, and singing along to many of Henry’s playlists will be a massive loss, and fill spots of my daily timetable, white.

Sooner than we think, Jamie, Eddy, and I will be the last of our kind to lounge the plastic, wobbly chairs of our beloved sophomore English class, where we cried, complained, and laughed a dozen times over.